


a little death

by rangerdanger985



Series: the demon of hell de crisco. its a thing. [3]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Gabriel is a dick, Loss of hope, M/M, Sad Ending, but it ges better, but someone has to be the dick, eventually, i really should be studying, mentions of torture, wrote this in an hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22783981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerdanger985/pseuds/rangerdanger985
Summary: Another day, another week, another month, another year. hell was taking its toll on Crawley and Aziraphale was falling victim to something dark of his own.or:part 3 of my GO count of monticrisco fusion, you don't need to know about the play its mostly inspired by the songs and yes I am still not done with this idea.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Raphael (Good Omens)
Series: the demon of hell de crisco. its a thing. [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635310
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	a little death

**Author's Note:**

> we are at the third song of this series if you have thoughts on what the forth song should be, then leave them in the comments below but more than anything please enjoy my new obsession!
> 
> also, there is talk or torture in this one but it isn't outright described, more mentioned in passing and implied at later parts.
> 
> RD.

Crawley was thrown into his cell, his body burning, and hair tangled. He laid on the stone floor for a moment before pushing himself up enough to crawl to the wall and collapse against it.

Once his breathing had slowed and the burning of his body had once again become bearable he pushed to his feet, keeping a hand against the wall to keep his balance “another day” he murmured as he shuffled forward slowly “another week” his fingers found grooves that hadn’t originally been part of the wall.

“another month” he murmured as he counted the marks “another year” he sighed as much as his tight chest would allow “another day, another night” he corrected himself while looking out the window at the blood-red cloud-filled sky of hell “until its day again”

He shifted his back against the wall and slid down until he sat, back in the corner facing the door of his cell, watching for danger “the sun has fled, I go to bed” he moved his hand nail gouging into the wall to leave a mark like so many marks before, just trying to keep track and keep his sanity “and scratch a line on the wall” he sighed “another day where nothing changes at all”

Pain flared in his side and he hissed, moving to cradle his injured side, breathing shallowly until the pain faded “every day shuffles by like the day before” he turned golden eyes to the window “on the way to the blackest of skies” he could see the red fading, the sulfuric smoke still raising but more difficult to see.

Something cold entered the cell, made him shiver and pull his robes closer to himself, pulling dark feathered wings into existence to hide from the cold and whatever caused it “and every day a little death comes and paces the floor” his chest burned and he curled into a ball within the shelter of his wings “and a little bit more of me dies”

_Another day._

Hell took to torturing the fallen, for fun, for training, for testing, their reasons chained every day

_Another week_

They seemed to especially love pulling Crawley from his cell by his hair, throwing him onto the rack or into the flaming lakes.

_Another month._

They didn’t trust him, he used to be so important and they could see what little of his soul remained held out hope for something, something they couldn’t understand

_Another year._

It had been so long now, so many years, the pain was almost normal to him now, the burning in his body a constant voice in the back of his mind telling him how he was sullied, forgotten, fallen.

_Another night I spend alone_

They threw him back into his cell, this day they had changed him, given his serpent form all the attention they had given his human one, plucked every scale from his body until they grew just as dark as the sky and as red at the blood on his skin.

_Until its day again._

Crawley pushed himself up against the wall to look out the window, weak and hopeless and staring, searching for some trace of the night sky, of the stars, of their star just to feel the slightest bit of comfort but hell had blotted out the sky.

“our little star has moved away” he murmured as his eyes stung “and the world is a blur” he looked down at his hands, hands that had once created such beauty not stained with sins and blood, his nails a dark black and pointed like claws “I only see that I am not me”

He rose his gaze, caught his reflection on a bit of water on the floor, his tangled hair and demonic eyes, his pointy teeth and the gauntness of his face staring back at him before changing into a soft pale face with a large smile and curly hair “without him” he murmured before striking the water, disturbing he image and turning way.

“every day a little death for every day I die” he paced his cell for a moment, a trapped animal before slamming his back against the wall, the cold surrounding him like a fog as he slid down, pulling his knees up to his chest and laying his head on them “every day a little death and still I know not why”

He had only ever asked questions, was all this pain really with asking simple questions?!

~0~

“he will come back” Aziraphale spoke to the angel at his side as he walked the halls of heaven, it had been so long since the fall, so many years but the stars still shone with a beauty unmatched by any on the nearly completed earth.

“perhaps but still…” Gabriel an angel of the same age as Aziraphale spoke, it seemed as if they had this conversation with every raising and setting of the sun, the other angel just didn’t realize how much faith Aziraphale put in the lords work, in her ineffable plan.

Gabriel just didn’t understand a love like theirs “he will return to me” he said before turning away, walking to the edge of the great wall surrounding the garden being created before them for the almighty’s newest creation. It was nearly finished now “another prayer” he spoke while folding his hands and bowing his head, he had taken up asking his mother to protect Raphael wherever he was, cooing any pain he might be suffering and to keep his hope alive.

He heard a sound of frustration from behind him “you’ve got to live for today” this must have been about the recent assignment Aziraphale had been offered, to be a guardian of the eastern gate “I will live when we're together again” he didn’t raise his head as he finished his prayer just barely opening an eye to glance at his brother “every day I will pray until then” he looked at the sky “amen”

With his prayer completed he turned to his brother “every day another prayer will bring him close to me” he said calmly, watching his brother before turning his eyes to the sky, eyes searching until they found that blue-green star that they shared.

“and every night our little star we will share” a smile crept onto his lips as warmth filled his chest before turning and walking along the wall folding his hands over his middle “then one day when I open my eyes, he will be standing right over there” he turned his head.

A faint shimmer of a figure came beside him, he wasn’t sure if it was his mind supplying the image or something else but Raphael with his large wings stood there, grinning at him as if nothing had happened.

One of Aziraphale’s wings twitched stretching out slightly “one day” he sighed as the image faded he looked down and took a deep breath swallowing his grief again before walking forward again, all the while Gabriel stood behind him and Aziraphale didn’t see the darkness in the angel's eyes.

~0~

Crawley couldn’t take it anymore, something dark building in his chest at the lack of light from the stars, at the pain in his chest and the death he suffered each day.

Still, the tortured him but they could see that he was beginning to bow under the weight as all did. Even the strongest of archangels would eventually bend if given enough time.

_Another day._

They were giving him assignments now, simple jobs for now but soon.

They saw he had potential

~0~

Aziraphale was standing in the great garden, looking and tending to some of the plants that had been created. It was such a beautiful place and he had made a habit of walking the calm grounds, looking at the sky ad asking their star and god to help and comfort Gabriel.

He was busy with tending to a slightly wilted plant and only looked up when Gabriel landed near him, wings stretched out to carry him and his face stricken with grief “there is something I must say” he said as he grew closer “I wanted to protect you”

Aziraphale’s brow furrowed in confusion and he turned to face his brother as his middle grew tight with what felt like dread.

~0~

They had stopped torturing him as much, giving him more tasks and Crawley leaped onto them eagerly just to escape the pain, trying to gain favor maybe he would be able to escape if he did enough of what they asked.

_Another year._

Then the simple jobs grew darker, the simple running of documents and plans became the sharpening of torture implements and then the sharpening of torture implements turning into the use of those implements.

And if he refused as he always did the tortures were turned onto him.

~0~

“I wish there was a way, I could make it untrue” a tear slid down his face and Aziraphale was far more worried now, especially as Gabriel walked closer and took his hand, holding it as if to comfort him.

But comfort him for what? He was afraid to ask, struck suddenly silent at the angel’s demeanor.

~0~

They threw him again into his cell, burning and in pain and they were disappointed. Promise it would only grow worse if he didn’t do as he was told, all that he was told

_Another day_

He spat at them; he may have fallen but he wouldn’t lower himself to their levels.

They kicked his head and he fell into the dark.

~0~

I heard the news today” Gabriel spoke while kneeling to be even with Aziraphale where he knelt on the ground to tend to the ailing plant “I fear the worse has happened” Aziraphale watched with wide eyes.

~0~

_another year_

He woke on the torture rack, his wings broken and his face bloody but he could see the sky somehow, he could see the star, their star, and he could feel the warmth, the comfort of his love radiating from its light.

But for some reason as he watched that warmth began to flicker, the star's light started to grow duller and the cold crept into his chest.

~0~

He finally found the strength and questioned his brother about what was wrong “an accident occurred” he said head bowed with the raw grief radiating off of him “the angel Raphael is dead!”

Aziraphale’s eyes grew wide

~0~

The star flickered again and then its light suddenly went out and a great pain grew in his chest, his heart being crushed by the death of a star and a breaking of a vow

_Another year._

His lover, Aziraphale he must have broken his promise, nothing else could cause such pain and he screamed his anguish into the bloody halls of hell.

~0~

Aziraphale whispered a denial but Gabriel spoke again “dead and gone” he said, voice broke with grief “rest in peace, may flights of angels sing him to his rest” he rose his head as tears traced down Aziraphale’s face.

He lifted his hands to cover his mouth as pain filled his chest and a cold feeling of grief grabbed him tightly, Gabriel reached forward and pulled him close, bringing his wings up to hide him from prying eyes.

His wings were smaller than Raphael’s “let me hold and help to heal you” he said as Aziraphale sobbed into his robes. With his head buried in the way that it was, he couldn’t see the darkness in his eyes or the faint upturn of his lips.

“every day a little death” he spoke as Aziraphale trembled “every day a little death” he repeated.

~0~

Crawley was thrown back into his cell one more but this time he didn’t carve a mark into the wall, he didn’t search the dark bloody sky outside the window, instead, he laid and stared dully at the ceiling, the cold creeping into his body but this time he didn’t hide from it.

“every day a little death” he murmured as what little hope he held out faded into the cold, what could he hold hope for now? He was forgotten and his love had betrayed him, Aziraphale must have because the promise was broken, the star had died.

He could feel it like an open wound, and he had plenty of those to know what it felt like.

~0~

Gabriel let him morn for a time before rising, leaving Aziraphale there and drifting up to the sky, holding out a hand when Aziraphale rose his gaze “every day a little death” he reminded not that Aziraphale needed it.

Wiping his tear with the back of his hand he looked to the sky beyond the glow of an angel returning to heaven and saw their star, glimmering sadly in the sky before turning his gaze away and reaching up to take Gabriel’s hand “every day a little death”

He returned to heaven with his brother.

~0~

Crowley was taken to the torture room again and this time when offered an implement of torture he took it, looking at its gleaming blade he saw the reflection of his face, demonic eyes tangled hair like blood and sharp cheekbones before he turned away to the room and the subject of the torture.

“every day a little death” he spoke as he rose the blade.

~0~

Aziraphale took the blade offered to him and the assignment of the wall, he had nothing keeping him in heaven and every corner reminded him of his love even after the memories had been locked deep within himself, Raphael nothing more than a bittersweet name and a fuzzy image of starlight.

With hardened eyes and a broken heart, he walked to his post.

Crawley slithered through the path, breaking the surface of the garden and hissed at the burn of the sun in his eyes, slithering into a tree filled with shadows. Something pale up on a great wall caught his serpent eyes and he looked without thinking and saw something familiar.

His lover standing there as if nothing else mattered.

He turned away and slithered further into the vegetation the coldness throbbing in his chest, a cold ache of a still-open wound. After all, it was too late now, their star was dead, his lover was his no more and even if he was, with the blood on his hands he would never see him as more than a demon.

Raphael was dead, only Crawley remained now.

_Every day a little death._


End file.
